what is happening to me?

today was one of the hardest days i've had in a year.
i nearly got into a fight with a couple kids in my class, and then the mailman.
it seems like i'm getting tested by life to see if i have changed my ways.
i am trying to never go back to that place again. if you are still up there god, just know i haven't asked for anything
in what seems like a lifetime. i haven't talked to you because i am dealing with these problems myself and just know
you won't be hearing from me anytime soon. i don't know how to feel about a single religion anymore. i want to be able to
heal and take care of myself without your help. there are others in this world that need a god more than i.

this weather is bringing back horrid memories. these 2 months near the end of the year are the worst.
i want next year already. i can't believe i turn 20 soon. i am looking forward to upcoming events, but this cold is affecting my heart. i don't want to ruin anything else for me.

man have things changed...


"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin"

i want to believe, i really do <'3